


I'm Numb

by Starlight_Olivia



Category: World Trigger (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23817691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Olivia/pseuds/Starlight_Olivia
Summary: Life sucks. It sucks in the beginning, and the middle, but sometimes the end is happy. But not happily-ever-after sort of deal, more like, you hold the power between living and dying. It's the only power you've ever had, and ever will have, and it's exhilarating.That kind of happy ending.
Relationships: Kuga Yuuma & Mikumo Osamu, Kuga Yuuma/Mikumo Osamu
Comments: 13
Kudos: 19





	1. I Feel Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Mmmmk so a little background, this is an AU of World Trigger where people are NoRmAl?! Heheh, point is Yuma is not from another world however he is from a different city so ye. He’s also a little bit of an ass - speaking of which - PROFANITY! Anyways hope you enjoy =3=
> 
> =TRIGGER WARNING=  
> \- Suicidal thoughts, panic attack, suicide attempt

Yuma walks into the classroom, it's dull, full of friends talking to each other. They've all known each other since kindergarten. None of them will want to be friends with him. Especially since Yuma’s over half an hour late. Whatever, why should he care what they think?

Yuma pastes a fake smile on his face as he walks in, "I apologize for my tardiness." He gives a little bow, and the glass giggles.

He’s already heading toward his seat when suddenly some jerk in the back shouts, "Teacher! He has a ring!"

Yuma wants to scream, he _knew_ he should have tried to hide it with his other hand or something. Damn it. Yuma is sure his glare is burning a hole through that asshole’s head, but it won’t do a thing and he knows it. But he is not taking off this ring. It's the very last thing he has left of Dad's and there is no way in hell he’s giving it up because of this damn school's rules. 

When the teacher tries to take it off, Yuma just about decks him right there, before a nerd wearing glasses in the back speaks up. "Teacher, don't you think there's a reason he's refusing to take it off, otherwise this would be pointless to argue."

Everyone in the whole damn classroom stares at this kid like he's a fucking saint and even though Yuma’s grateful, Nerd is just pointing out what everyone else should have seen. Besides, Yuma didn't need his fucking help anyway. It's not like he wanted to be in this school.

"Why do you _insist_ on wearing that ring?" The teacher's spit lands on his face and Yuma makes a big show of wiping it off. Giggles erupt from the back of the room once more.

"It was my late parent's ring sir," Yuma doesn’t see any need to lie, and this'll gain him some pity points. They wouldn't dare touch him now.

The idiot stutters and shakes his head, clearly flustered and embarrassed. "I guess we can make an exception..." He pushes his glasses back up his profusely sweating face and hurries out of the room. 

"Kuga-kun, you'll sit at that desk over there ok?" the TA points to the desk next to Saint Four-Eyes himself. "You take good care of him, Mikumo-kun." 

Four-Eyes nods and Yuma walks up to him, making sure his false smile is in place. Gotta act grateful right? "Nice to meet you," he barely refrains from adding NERD to the end of the statement, and by some miracle manages.

"Nice to meet you too," Four-Eyes smiles and he's actually kinda cute. Damn the level of boys Yuma’s stooped to. All the way down on the Nerd Level. Rock fucking bottom.

Yuma takes his seat and not 30 seconds has passed when something hits the back of his head. He turns, and it's the same jerk and his friends who called out Yuma’s ring. Ok, he'll play their little game. When the next round of paper hits him, Yuma’s ready. Quickly, he catches one and decides to take the ignorant path. "What's this for?"

He can see the laughter in their eyes and Yuma can't believe they're actually buying his act. He must be getting better. "It's a traditional Japanese greeting," one smirks. Yeah, bull _shit_. 

"It's a greeting huh?" Nerd kid tries to interfere but one boy throws a comic book at his face.

Crumpling the paper into a tiny, bullet-like ball, Yuma carefully takes aim. He can't wait to see the look on this kid's face after he kicks his ass.

The smile is still painted on Yuma’s face when he flicks the paper right at the dipshit’s chest. The impact knocks him backwards, and he falls right on his ass. Honestly this is the most fun Yuma has had in a long time and he has to fight back laughter.

_Is it really ok to be laughing when you're the reason you’re dad is dead?_

The elation drains out of Yuma, and he’s left feeling empty with guilt. 

Snapping back into reality, the jerk he knocked over storms up to him and grabs the front of his shirt. Yuma’s careful to keep a cool, smug smile on his face, even as the asshole starts to lift him up to his eye level. His height is minuscule compared to everyone else's, but that's because he doesn't eat as much anymore. His stomach got used to it, but his height was affected. He was short anyway and the lack of nutrients didn't help.

Lucky for Jerk-face, the TA walks in and tells everyone to settle down. Man he was about two seconds away from breaking the prick’s everything.

~TiMeSkIp~

Yuma’s been going here for almost two weeks now and it's the same boring shit everyday. He doesn't know why Dad wanted him to come to Japan when it's exactly like everywhere else he’s ever been. Osamu says that's not true, but he's a really bad liar.

Since this is where Dad was so long ago, Yuma thought there might be something special here, but it's just stupid Border Police, and they don't like Yuma at all. Especially after Osamu saw him take out that gang leader. Whatever, he can see there's nothing left of Dad here. Nothing at all. Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck. Panic starts to set in and Yuma tries so hard to push it away. But Dad isn't here anymore and his heart is shattering and no amount of glue or duct-tape is going to be able to fix it. Yuma can tell his breathing is getting quicker, he can't do this, He can't live without him. He's tried so hard.

For four years he's _tried_. But it's getting harder and harder to make it through the day, to keep up the act. He's so tired.

He can't live with himself, knowing that he's the reason his dad died in the first place. Yuma thought maybe something of Yugo's, that something here, would save him from the darkness that's been threatening to pull him under for years. But there's nothing here. And the darkness is so damn hungry. And he's so tired of fighting it. Of existing. 

~ ~ ~

Yuma leaves class almost as soon as the bell rings and Osamu hurries to pack up his stuff. Osamu knows they aren't exactly friends, but he's shielding Yuma from Border so he thought they might be making progress. Guess he was wrong.

As Osamu steps into the crowded hallways he tries to spot Yuma, even though he knows that's nearly impossible with how short he is. But he still searches for the tiny head of black hair, the one white streak running through the front.

There. He's on the stairs, going against the flow of students because he's going... up? Why is Yuma going to the next floor of the school? Maybe he has a teacher he needs to talk to. Osamu follows him, because despite the fact that they aren't real friends yet, he wants Yuma to know that they _can_ be.

Fighting the stream of bodies is harder than expected but soon Osamu is on the stairs and the the flow of students lessens as the school empties out. Through the window he can see swarms of kids leaving the courtyard. Climbing up to the next flight he expects to see Yuma in the hallway, knocking on one of the teacher's doors. Instead Osamu hears a loud clang as the door in the stairwell above him slams shut.

 _What does Yuma want on the roof?_ He must have left his lunch up there or something, though Osamu’s sure he brought it back down.

Intrigued, he climbs up the next flight, up towards Yuma. The door creaks open and Osamu has to blink away the blinding sunlight. When he can finally see, his mouth goes dry.

Yuma’s standing on the other side of the safety railing, and the air ruffles his hair. His red eyes are closed, but when they open Osamu can see tears sparkling within them. Wait. What is he doing? No, stop, don't, please!

And Osamu can see his foot lift in slow motion and he knows what Yuma’s about to do. No, stop. He’s shaking and then he’s running because no, Yuma can't - no!

But Osamu has never been fast, and Yuma’s not taking his sweet time. "Kuga..." it comes out as a hoarse shout, then louder, "Kuga!"

Osamu can see Yuma glance at him, but his gaze doesn't change, he doesn't waver. He’s still going to jump. But no, he can't because that's wrong, because this isn't an answer, Osamu has to stop this!

But he's starting to fall now and Osamu’s still not fast enough and he’s running so hard and he can feel tears welling in his eyes. He’s reaching his hand out stretching, reaching for Yuma’s hand, trying so hard to reach him. But he’s not reaching for Osamu, he's not even looking at Osamu anymore. Because he's falling. Down down down.

"YUMA!!!"

His arm is popping out of his socket, and Osamu’s hand is so sweaty he doesn't know how Yuma’s isn't sliding out. Osamu’s face is pressed against the bars, his other arm braced against them. And Yuma's looking at him, empty eyed and sad. "Why...?" he whispers and Osamu tries not to cry even more.

"You can't --- die - Yuma!" he chokes out, trying to pull him up. The adrenaline coursing through his veins can't reach his arms fast enough.

"Please..." and Yuma's crying now, tears running down his face. "Please let me go..." And Osamu almost drops him just from shock alone, but his grip tightens on Yuma’s hand. His face turns up to look at Osamu.

"N-no," Osamu grits his teeth. "I'm --- not going to let you ---- die Yuma!!" His arm is straining to hold Yuma up.

"Osamu..." Yuma's hand loosens in Osamu’s own, "Let go of me. Please." His entire body starts to go limp and Yuma’s hand is slipping in his. 

"I c-can't Yum-ma ---- y-you need t-to liv-ve," Osamu’s voice is breaking and the tears are just making it harder to hold on.

Yuma smiles sadly and Osamu wants to scream, because he knows that he can't hold onto Yuma. He's going to fall, there's nothing Osamu can do. "Please Osamu, I don't want to be here anymore." His hand slips a bit more. "Just let go."

His body is crying in pain. He can barely see straight with the sweat and tears in his eyes. "P-please Y-yum-ma..."

Another smile. Osamu can't stop this. Yuma’s hand slips from his grasp. Screaming is all Osamu can seem to do as he watches Yuma fall down down down.


	2. There's Nothing To Feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scientists estimate that 7% of the human body is blood. 7% is such a small number, but it looks like the entire 7% and then some is splattered against the pavement, pooling beneath his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little background (and sorry I didn't clarify this before) but Yuma never got hurt in the real world as bad as he does in his universe (so no him almost dying and still currently dying thing) But his dad did die when they were attacked (like batman :p) causing the white streak in Yuma hair - due to shock! (Yes that is possible) ANYWAY, enjoy! =3=
> 
> =TRIGGER WARNING=  
> \- Suicide attempt, blood, suicidal thoughts

Down down down.

But Yuma’s looking up. He doesn't want to see the ground that's rushing up to meet him. He doesn't want to feel the involuntary surge of fear.

Looking up hurts too. His vision seems tunneled to Osamu's face, his stupid, cute, nerdy face. His glasses are sliding off, sweat and tears causing the frames to slip. Osamu's face is one of complete devastation; painful to look at. An arm, his arm, reaches out desperately in vain, trying to catch Yuma. _Stupid Four-Eyes, didn't anyone ever tell you - you can't catch someone who's wanted to fall all their life._

It feels like it's been an eternity, but Yuma knows that the ground is _right there_ , and it's the only thing he’s going to allow to catch him.

Pain shoots up his entire body as if in slow motion, Yuma’s toes touch the pavement; breaking almost instantly. The momentum throws his body forward, all he can see now is cement.

Yuma doesn’t even close his eyes, because he wants to look death right in the fucking face. [cause he's a badass like that (⌐▨_▨)]

~ ~ ~

Osamu doesn't wait to see him hit.

He doesn't wait to hear the sickening crunch as Yuma’s body hits the ground. The shattering of his bones. 

He leaps up, the adrenaline _finally_ kicking in, and races for the stairs. Osamu’s fingers fumble with his phone in his pocket as he skips steps - sometimes three or four at a time - ignoring the pain signals his own body is sending him. "Hello 911, what's your emergency?"

"P-please its my friend" the words come out in a rush, and Osamu can hear how choked his voice is. "H-he just jum-ped from the roof, he's real-ly hurt, please I need someone to help him."

"Alright honey, can you tell me where you are?" _How the hell can she stay calm!!_ Osamu races down the final flight of stairs.

“Third Mikado City Middle School!! P-please hurry!!" The lady was starting to piss Osamu off, with her stupid calm attitude, like Yuma hadn't just jumped off the roof, so he hangs up. He knows it’s the lady’s job, but he doesn’t want to listen to her cheery optimistic bullshit right now.

Osamu pushes through the heavy doors, and races to where Yuma fell. His gag reflex starts to work almost immediately, but he forces it down.

Broken.

That's the first word that comes to mind.

It's like Yuma's a broken angel - one who forgot how to fly. The angels of his body are all wrong, that bit of leg shouldn't be twisted, and his arm shouldn't be pointed up like that.

Scientists estimate that 7% of the human body is blood. 7% is such a small number, but it looks like the entire 7% is splattered against the pavement, pooling beneath his body. "K-kuga..." Osamu’s voice is just a faint whisper of horror. "Y-yuma!!" It raises to a shout, panic oozing into the yell, choking off any words that may have followed.

 _His eyes are the same color as his blood._ The morbid thought pushes its way into Osamu’s brain and sticks there. Yuma's eyes are half-open and unblinking. Osamu stumbles closer to him, afraid to be near the broken boy, and afraid that he'd die if he didn't help him. Afraid he was already dead.

"Yu-m-ma..." He doesn't shake him desperately like in the movies (though he almost does); instead Osamu reaches out and presses his fingers to Yuma’s neck.

There's nothing. He presses a little harder. There! A tiny, faint pulse rests beneath Osamu’s fingers, so very weak. Almost non-existent. But that means he's alive. That means there's hope, however slim.

~ ~ ~

Yuma thinks he’s in pain. Yeah... that's probably what this is. This horrible feeling. But it's searing his bones, his blood, his whole body, it feels like it's everywhere and nowhere. His mind can barely go through the motions of thinking at all.

Oh. His eyes are open, Yuma guesses they were the whole time. He just wasn't seeing until now. Weird. He must be more fucked up than he realized. Dying, being dead, Yuma never expected it to hurt this much. Maybe he’s already in Hell or something, and this is his punishment for essentially killing Dad. Some punishment this is though - Death is really cute.

Yuma assumes that's the figure swimming in and out of his fucked up vision, which is slowly shifting into focus. Weird. Death looks _just_ like Osamu. That doesn't make any sense, he's too damn nice to be Death. He wants to laugh at the thought of Osamu heartlessly reaping souls. But Yuma’s brain can't process things right now, it hurts too much, takes too long.

"-uma!! Yuma are you ---- hear m----Please ---- hold o-- amb-la-ce -- on ---- their w--y----p-ease please Yu-- don't die!!!" Did you know one can _hear_ blurriness? It's like everything goes all fuzzy, but to your ears. It makes everyone sound whack.

Fuck. Osamu is probably yelling and he can barely hear a word. Wait... is Yuma still alive? Is that why it hurts so much? Why is he _happy_ damn it!! Yuma wanted to die, he shouldn't be happy that he’s alive! But he is, even if it's just a little bit. Dammit.

But Osamu looks so worried. Huh. He kinda looks like he’s trying not to throw up. Yuma notices Osamu’s fingers lightly touching his neck, where his pulse should be. But Osamu’s fingers feel really weird, warm and wet. It feels kinda like -

Ah. That's blood on the ground, isn't it? Was it always there? Yuma thinks so. There's a lot of it. It's so red and shiny, He didn't know blood could be beautiful. Is that a lot of blood? He can't tell anymore, it looks like it's everywhere. It explains why Osamu’s fingers are red though, Yuma thought he was hallucinating.

Fuck, his vision's going black again. Or is it grey? Maybe it's a darkish yellow-purple. But Yuma doesn't want to see colors, he wants to see Osamu. Even if he's crying. Even if he looks scared out of his mind. Yuma doesn’t want to die looking at the color of a fucking bruise.

~ ~ ~

It's been weeks, and Osamu’s the only one (according to the nurses) that's come in to see Yuma. If no one comes in soon, Osamu will be the one stuck with the medical bill. That's ok though, he doesn't think Yuma has any parents, so it's not like no one else cares about him - they couldn't visit if they tried. Much less be able to pay.

Everyday Osamu sits there and holds his hand, even though the nurses stare. He can hear them whisper about them being lovers, and Osamu lets them. He doesn't really care, they can gossip all they like if it makes Yuma wake up faster. He just wants his sort-of-friend to open his eyes again.

Osamu’s so scared though. He’s scared that when Yuma wakes up, he'll be mad. At Osamu. For saving him when he wanted to die so badly. More than scared, he’s terrified that Yuma will try it again.

Which is why, when he wakes up, Osamu’s going to make sure he doesn't try it. Ever again. Smiling a bit, he squeezes Yuma's hand tighter. _Don't worry Yuma, I'll make sure you find it somewhere. I'll help you find your will to live again. No matter what._

It's what friends do.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise there will be a second chapter to this and I'm almost done with it! Also don't worry, I didn't mark Major Character Death for a reason =w=


End file.
